Here We Go Again

My music is extremely personal.  While most fans wish that their favorite artists would open up about their lives, shortcomings and all. . . our fans are given a window into the emotions that I share with only a few people.  The details of the incidents, may not always be conveyed but the emotion is ALWAYS captured.  .   I figure this blog should be no different, if not, even more in depth.  I have the opportunity to expose you to so much more in print and with images , I plan on trying to do that, within reason.

If you were a reader of my previous blog than you will be familiar with Chade, the woman I fell in love with in Oakland a year and a half ago.  Much has happened since we met, and much has changed.  We are no longer together nor, would I consider us friends even.  One year ago, I told my mom that she represented for me, what my mom represented for my father years ago, the one.   If you would have asked me if I thought this was even possible, I would have laughed it off.  Boy was I wrong.  Apparently, two damaged people looking to be comforted about the failure of past relationships, should not be in a relationship together.  Now, I already knew this but the uncontrollable emotion that we confuse as love took over and I made a mistake.  I fell in love with the ideal of being there for someone, having somebody rely on me.  She fell in love with the idea of having a man guide, protect and teach her. . .perhaps I wasnt ready.  Perhaps she didn’t know how to accept the love I gave, whatever the case…it’s a wrap.

In so many past relationships, I was guilty of being untrustworthy, and self-centered, in this case, I THOUGHT I had evolved.  Well, I did evolve, I no longer had the desire to just fuck girls, or involve myself in relationships that were not fulfilling. Maybe I did evolve and just wasn’t with the right person to appreciate it.  Maybe, I have more work to do in order to perfect myself, I have admitted on so many occasions that my biggest weakness is my anger.  I am not sure what it stems from even, but I know that i suffer because at times I can’t control my temper.  The decisions I make in the miodst of being angry are horrible, the anger clouds my vision and I will take situations that can be worked out overboard.  I know this needs to change, Insha’Allah it will.  So, here we go again back to square one.  Working on my temple getting it right again This time I ain’t rushing.  Impress me.

Trust , you will hear at least 2 songs inspired by this on the next album.